AGAPE

AGAPE

True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.
~ by Antoine De Saint-Exupery ~

The word “agape” (ah-gah-pay) is a Greek word for “Love.” But unlike the common understanding of love, agape isn’t that “feel-good” form of love. True Love (agape) moves far beyond feelings. Feeling is a subjective thing fleeting. How often have your feelings lead to an objective truth? I’d venture to say, not too often… Philosopher, Peter Kreeft says, “Our feelings are precious, but agape is more precious. Feelings come to us, passively; agape comes from us, actively, by our free choice. We are not responsible for our feelings — we can’t help how we feel — but we are responsible for our agape or lack of it, eternally responsible, for agape comes from us; feelings come from wind, weather, and digestion. “Luv” comes from spring breezes; real love comes from the center of the soul, which Scripture calls the heart (another word we have sentimentalized and reduced to feeling). Liking is a feeling. But love (agape) is more than strong liking. Only a fool would command someone to feel a certain way.” Agape isn’t Storge (hard “g”) (affectionate love), it isn’t Philia (brotherly love), and it isn’t Eros (erotic love). These forms of love, do not, in my opinion, compare to Agape. Storge, Philia, and Eros can “function” by themselves and/or be intertwined, but they do not contain Agape, rather, Agape contains the three – due to its nature (more on this later). But first, some very brief descriptions of Storge, Philia, and Eros:

Storge (Affectionate) is a give/need type of love – though not in a negatively selfish way. The “give/need” (or Gift-love) here is natural: parents to offspring for example (the need of the child and the Giving of the mother and vice-versa)… Affection also moves beyond that: most common, new romance and friendship. C.S Lewis says in his book, “The Four Loves, (TFL) “This warm comfortableness, this satisfaction in being together, takes in all sorts of objects. It is indeed the least discriminating of loves… But almost anyone can become the object of affection; the ugly, the stupid, even the exasperating.”

Eros (Erotic) is the state of “being in love.” And while, yes, Eros is considered “erotic love” it does not only refer to sexuality. A person can have sexual experiences without Eros. One commentary on C.S. Lewis’ idea of Eros states: He [C.S. Lewis] identifies eros as indifferent. This is good because it promotes appreciation of the beloved regardless of any pleasure that can be obtained from them. It can be bad, however, because this blind devotion has been at the root of many of history’s most abominable tragedies. In keeping with his warning that “love begins to be a demon the moment [it] begins to be a god”, he warns against the danger of elevating eros to the status of a god.

Philia (Friendship) all of us have an understanding of this type of love. It is special in the sense that we choose who we will become friends with, and as the affection grows, so does this philia love. C.S. Lewis says (TFL) philia is the least natural of loves. He says it’s, “the least instinctive, organic, biological, gregarious and necessary. It has least commerce with our nerves; there is nothing throaty about it; nothing that quickens the pulse or turns you red and pale. It is essentially between individuals; the moment two men are friends they have in some degree drawn apart together from the herd.” And Aristotle says in his work, Rhetoric, “things that cause friendship are: doing kindnesses; doing them unasked; and not proclaiming the fact when they are done.”

The philosophy of love goes much deeper than this, and beyond the scope of this paper. What I want to get to is the greatest of all loves… Agape: One explanation says “Agape refers to the paternal love of God for man and for man for God but is extended to include a brotherly love for all humanity… draws on elements from both eros and philia in that it seeks a perfect kind of love that is at once a fondness, a transcending of the particular, and a passion without the necessity of reciprocity.” I would have to agree.

Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.
~ by Erich Fromm ~

It is my belief that the biggest problem we have in regards to love is that we seek to get something from it rather than desire to give it away. As mentioned above, Love is not just a feeling and feelings cannot always be trusted. Have you ever felt you were in love with someone only to later discover it wasn’t real (actually, “complete” is a better word)? Indeed! We are not perfect and it would be dishonest to say that we’ve never been victim of self-deception. Sometimes we desire for something to be real and true so badly that we ignore the “red flags” (i.e. what our conscience tells us), and thus open ourselves up to (self) deception. When we complain that we are not getting what we want out of a relationship (not just romantic ones) we ought to stop and remember that we don’t always need that which we are wanting. Only by giving will you get. And this giving must be selfless. To give expecting return implies a wanting (desire)… you cannot fool, reshape, or manipulate True Love – Agape. The moment that you do there begins a ripple effect of selfish desires which leads to forced Love which then leads to resentment – and eventually, separation. If one or both parties stop freely giving Love, then the “roots” of the relationship dry out. Eventually the “tree” withers and dies… One major problem in relationships is the lack of (or repressed) Agape in one’s life. The best way to Agape is to have an understanding of its origins. Forget subjectivity. This Love is Objective. It exists even if no one is aware of it. The best one can do is to discover it, accept it as True (what it is), and then apply it to his/her life.

God’s nature is love itself. Peter Kreeft says, “We fall in love but we do not fall in agape. We rise in agape. God is agape, and agape is not feeling. So God is not feeling. That does not make him or agape cold and abstract. Just the opposite: God is love itself, feeling is the dribs and drabs of love received into the medium of passivity. God cannot fall in love for the same reason water cannot get wet: it is wet. Love itself cannot receive love as a passivity, only spread it as an activity. God is love in action, not love in dreams. Feelings are like dreams: easy, passive, spontaneous. Agape is hard and precious like a diamond. We as fallible humans cannot fully attain Agape because this type of love is without flaw, without the slightest blemish (God-Love). However that does not mean that we let it go. This is the Love we should always strive for in our relations to one another. The “bar” – if you will – has been set and because of that we know what perfect Love is.

You will never understand God until you are willing to stand under Him. By Him all things become clear. You cannot see light, though by light things are seen and God is that Light. In a sense, Agape Love is our light to each other. The love we selflessly give to another is a light that allows our love to be seen by others. And that light is reflected onto all people… To put it another way, you will never understand True Love (agape) until you first stand under it. Love is not about you but it is about them (this is not to say that you shouldn’t love/respect yourself. That goes without saying because you are made in the image of God). But, “[b]ecause of our fallen nature, we are incapable of producing such a love. If we are to love as God loves, that love—that agape—can only come from its true Source. This is the love which ‘has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us when we became His children (Romans 5:5). Because that love is now in our hearts, we can obey Jesus who said, ‘I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. As I have loved you, you should also love one another’” (John 13:34).

It should be noted that Jesus is saying [in John 13:34} that we ought to love the individual (imperfect as he is). He is not saying that you should love/accept his/her behavior. Provided that you have “taken the log out of your own eye,” (Matt. 7:5) you are well within God’s command to judge another’s actions (behavior). You would not be showing agape love otherwise. Loving one another demands that we (in the proper context) help “sharpen” each other. Likewise, the term “turn the other cheek” (Matt. 5:39) does not mean that you do not defend yourself. The context that Jesus was speaking in was that Love (and when He speaks of love he’s usually referring to agape love) is your responsibility. You are responsible for your own words and actions, not anyone else’s. What another does or says to you in anger or hatred should not be returned to him in kind. You are to “turn the other cheek.” That is, you are to love them regardless of the fact that they despise you.

The Bible passage most quoted at weddings is 1 Corinthians 4-7 which states, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. This is speaking of Agape love. It is not limited to Storge, Philia, or Eros as most people suppose it is. Also, it was not written so that people can shove it back onto others when they feel they are not getting what they want out of “love.” The moment that you do this, Cor. 6 (love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth) comes back to bite you: you are doing exactly what it tells you you ought not do. In this passage, the apostle Paul is talking about Perfect Love and telling us we should strive for this kind of love toward others. He is certainly not limiting it to romantic love.

I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.
~ by William Shakespeare ~

So love one another wholly (and Holy!). Agape incorporates Storge, Philia, and Eros. It moves beyond them – reaching as high as heaven. That is, it IS heavenly. Give of yourself and expect nothing in return. Our greatest disappointments occur when we hold faulty expectations of another. Let this go… Love as God first loved you – as He perfectly designed Love, and for His purpose. Love must be an act of the will not a passivity that allows you feel good.

For the engaged and married, seek the other’s happiness… always. You are married or engaged in order to GIVE (of) yourself to the other. If you allow the roots of Agape to dry out, so will your relationship. If you stop tending to the garden that is (potential) family (husband, wife, kids), the nourishing food will be lost. To seek it elsewhere will surely lead to disaster. You must work at it with single-minded determination and perseverance! You both must deal (wisely) with the abundant rains and the searing droughts in your relationship… For those who are dating: love each other for a purpose – and not the purpose of sexual gratification – rather seek in your relationships Agape and apply it. If you discover that you both have it (or wish to attain it), then plant the seeds in good soil and trust your budding relationship… For those who are single and hoping for love: take these words and allow them to spark a seeking for agape. In that seeking you will surely find. Now, I leave you with more from Peter Kreeft…

“Love is a flower, and hope is its stem. Salvation is the whole plant. God’s grace, God’s own life, comes into us by faith, like water through a tree’s roots. It rises in us by hope, like sap through the trunk. And it flowers from our branches, fruit for our neighbor’s use.

Faith is like an anchor. That’s why it must be conservative, even a stick-in-the-mud, like an anchor. Faith must be faithful. Hope is like a compass or a navigator. It gives us direction, and it takes its bearings from the stars. That’s why it must be progressive and forward-looking. Love is like the sail, spread to the wind. It is the actual energy of our journey. That’s why it must be liberal, open to the Spirit’s wind, generous.”

http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/love.htm
The Four Loves. C.S. Lewis; Harcourt, Bruce & Company: Orlando, Fl. 1960
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves
http://www.iep.utm.edu/l/love.htm#SH2b
http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/love.htm
The Four Loves. C.S. Lewis; Harcourt, Bruce & Company: Orlando, Fl. 1960
http://www.gotquestions.org/agape-love.html
http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/love.htm

Advertisement